I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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