i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
