Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
