I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
