dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
