If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
