I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
