At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
