so explain again why im purple
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality