and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.