What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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