Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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