After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
