Don't make out with my wife yet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
