I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i out mim tonsoeep
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
