I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he shaved USA in his pubs
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We got so high we made milksteak
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink