were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.