Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban