I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing