What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.