can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries