if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours