And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
