I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We need to get me chipped asap
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
