Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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