the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
