i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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