His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
