Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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