i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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