Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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