woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
