I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
