Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize