Plan B is the new Plan A
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i need some magic done to my vagina
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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