now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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