She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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