He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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