Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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