dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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