i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
