just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I supernannyed him into submission
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
