What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
