I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
