Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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