I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
