Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
