I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My balls are so social today.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
