First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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