I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
