I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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