So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
