i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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