Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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