Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
