Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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