Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
