i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you never un-have a 4some
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
