I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
