turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
