I need help removing her.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
