he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
