i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
