How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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