I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
