I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize