why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
