I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
