We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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