Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
